Yesterday I received the results of the final assignments of my graphic design course. It was an… interesting experience.
If you’re new to any of my blogs, I can tell you that I’m suffering badly from impostor syndrome and whatever other names for self-doubt you can come up with. When I attend courses nowadays, I never know what level my work is supposed to be at, so I work myself almost sick from stress (did the same with an Italian course at Lund university a few years ago) because I have such high ambitions and think everything has to be high-level to be good.
For this course I had four assignments to submit, one for each Adobe design-relevant piece of software – Illustrator, Photoshop and InDesign, and then a Master Design assignment where we would use all programs and show we know which should be used for what. I submitted my last project at midday on the day of deadline, the 15th of November, and I was absolutely exhausted. It took me about a week to get back to normal!
But also with all this hard work, I didn’t know if I would pass, although I personally loved my projects and thought they were good, even great. I went from “I might have a chance to get something higher than just pass” to “I probably won’t even pass”.
Why do I need other people’s validation to actually know it’s good “for real”? So silly. But that was one of the reasons I attended this course – to have a real teacher in flesh and blood (I had only done Udemy courses before, which is great but the teacher is mostly just a name on the screen, and a voice on videos) to discuss things with, and confirm I’m on the right track.
On to the results.
I had seen a message on the online learning platform that we would receive our results on the 11th December at 4 pm. I tried to keep busy all day, doing some music practice, and then me and my husband recorded some songs for a friend in Sweden who celebrated his 60th birthday. Then suddenly it was 4.11 pm.
I had received an e-mail from the university and followed the link in it. I logged in. Then I sat in disbelief for a minute, looking at a word on the screen.
All my assignments except one had received a pass with distinction! The one that didn’t, got a pass with merit.
My overall grade was Distinction.
What a wonderful word!
I’m still in some kind of disbelief or shock. But I feel an immense joy, pride, self-respect, and feeling of achievement. It was totally worth all the hard work! When I get my certificate I’m going to frame it, put it on the wall, and look at it if my impostor syndrome tries to hit me in the head.
If anyone thinks it’s awful to brag about your own achievements like this, then I’ll remind you that I’ve been in a state of self-loathing all my adult life. It’s not healthy, and it’s about time that I give myself a pat on the back and tell myself that I kick *****. Sometimes, at least!
So am I a graphic designer now? I guess it depends on how you define it. I probably wouldn’t call myself that until people pay me for my work. I’ll get there! Or actually, my PT reminded me that they paid me to adjust their logo files to make them printable on t-shirts.
I think I’m a graphic designer now. 😀
Linking with Denyse Whelan’s Wednesday’s words and pics.