A few weeks ago I started writing a post about my insecurity in photography, and overcoming it. Then I got stuck and lost what I really wanted to say. But I decided to try to publish, so here are some ramblings about my journey with photography and where I am with it now.

I’ve been taking photos in various ways since I was 15. Back then it was with an analog camera my dad gave me for my 15th birthday, and later I used digital compact cameras. My husband gave me a Sony Cybershot for Christmas in 2011, and using this camera kicked off what later became a passion. I took it with me everywhere, also to work, because I might see something interesting on the way home. And sometimes I did!

I bought my first system camera in 2013, a Canon DSLR, after a trip to Italy where i took photos I was very unhappy with. I had a lot of fun – but also frustrations – with this camera. I remember walking around in the garden on a rainy morning with a macro lens to photograph slugs!

The Canon worked fine to get me started, but I found it unnecessarily big and bulky, so when I started hearing about mirrorless cameras, I became interested. Eventually I settled with an Olympus OMD E-M1 Mark II, which kept me going for many years, and I still love it dearly.

The Olympus has been with me to various places in Sweden, Italy and Ireland. I’ve particularly enjoyed exploring macro photography and some street photography with it.

I’ve always enjoyed being out with the camera, but sadly I’ve had a bumpy road with photography, crippled by exaggerated self-criticism, and never felt my photos were good enough. But what is good enough anyway, and to whom?

When I started learning photography, it was mostly using the internet, reading blogs and joining forums and Facebook groups. I browsed on various social media sites and similar for inspiration. Instead I should have tried to find a teacher or mentor to get some proper guidance and healthy feedback. Actually a friend of mine was into photography – I can’t remember why I didn’t ask her for help more than I did.

The problem is, on the internet (and social media in particular) everything tends to get very polarised – good or bad, wrong or right, you’re either a noob or a pro and it’s like there’s nothing in between, people can be very nasty and there’s rarely any real conversation. After reading those comment sections or forums I became very intimidated by other photographers. It was like I expected all photographers to be horrible people who would look down on anyone they didn’t perceive as “good”. I quickly left without ever sharing any of my own photos or trying to post anything at all.

I continued learning on my own by trial and error and by reading tutorials and manuals, while trying to stay out of people’s way. The first (and so far only) organised photography class I joined was Emma Davies’ A year with my camera, which is online and brilliant for beginners, and although I wasn’t a beginner I’ve been able to fill in knowledge gaps. I didn’t complete the course because of things in life, but I’ve just re-signed up to continue where I left off.

I must have lightened up about photographers somewhere along the way, because when we moved to Ireland, I joined the local camera club. It was terrifying to begin with. I was certain I didn’t fit in with what I thought was my low level of photography, but went there to learn and get inspiration from other photographers. I’ve had my struggles, but being a member of the club has given me a lot of positives. Perhaps most importantly, seeing that high-level photographers can be normal people and can even be nice and supportive! Eventually I started having the courage to share my photos and even join competitions. I’m still a bit intimidated in some situations… but not even close to what I used to be.

After 10+ years I’ve started learning that I at least to some extent know what I’m doing. I’m annoyed that I still seem to need people’s validation, but it is what it is. Perhaps that’s just normal?

In recent years I’ve finally found some healthy online photography forums – smaller, more “niche” forums, for users of Micro four thirds and now recently Sony Alpha after I bought my new camera, and I’ve found them much more relaxed and crowded by seemingly good people. During the past week I found another very small photography community that is very helpful and pleasant, and I’m starting to see that after all there is some hope also in the online space.

The last few years have been a bit bumpy and I’ve been away from photography quite a bit. When I came back to it I had forgotten what I even wanted to photograph. I looked at what I used to do. Macro, in West Cork? With that wind? No. Seascapes? Boring. Street photography? Hmm, it’s fun, but… only if I can do it my way (I’m so not a portrait shooter).

A few years ago I restarted this blog to document my progress with fitness, and started sharing photos from my walks, including Irish country roads/trails, brambles and cows. This makes me get out with the camera, but I’m still trying to explore genres to find what tickles my fancy these days and what I want to focus on. In the spring I’ll explore my garden to find subjects for macro that work in any weather, I’m exploring still life, and I can’t wait to get weather for proper photo walks.

Recently I ran into the concept of “projects”. If you’re a somewhat accomplished photographer you’ll laugh at me now, but I had never thought of doing projects. Perhaps I thought that was only for professional photographers who do series for exhibitions and similar. I’ve been randomly shooting to practise techniques and composition, and while I do photoshoots in some regular locations or even recurring subjects, I don’t see them as organised projects.

I’m also learning to play bluegrass guitar and Irish concertina. I have a practice folder for each instrument with certain tunes to focus on. A few fiddle tunes plus licks and solos for the guitar and the latest tunes from our slow session for the concertina. A few songs I want to learn to sing, or sing better. I’m quite organised with music (just don’t look at the state of my song collection!) But with photography I’ve mostly been doing everything at random.

So now I’ll change that and add some focused projects. The first one is everyday life objects, and I have two other projects on my list that are more long-term. I’ve been offered the opportunity to try the Glass app free for a year, and I’ll be posting there (you can see my photos there without having an account) but also here on the blog when I have a batch of photos ready.

I’ve started settling down and believing more in myself, and learning to just do my thing, shoot for myself first and foremost, and enjoy the journey. Hey, I even dare to call myself a photographer now, without adding a disclaimer. That’s a BIG thing.

I came across this article and video about self-doubt and intimidation in photography. If you are or have been anything like me, perhaps it can be helpful:

Embracing Self-Doubt and Intimidation in Your Photographic Journey